Soulful Parents are visionaries. They “see” their teens and indeed the world in a different way from most parents. Of course “seeing” differently changes what they “see” about their teens and therefore what they will do when it comes to parenting. Their vision involves five critical perspectives.
First, Soulful Parents are relational. They “see” their teen not as a problem to be managed or an accident waiting to happen but as a gift, a mystery, to be enjoyed and appreciated. They know that their greatest asset with their teen is not the contingencies they control or their leverage but the power of their relationship with their adolescent. They never let circumstances trump the relationship. Soulful Parenting endures through every circumstance.
Second, Soulful Parents are reflective rather than reactive. Operating out of the high order portion of their brain (neocortex), Soulful Parents control their reflexive impulse and pause to consider the best response. They have good judgement, they are patient and kind, and they consistently demonstrate it.
Third, Soulful Parents are loving in their interactions with their adolescents. Hopefully all parents love their kids but do their actions communicate love? The data suggests that we parents are prone to being critical and negative with our teens and this isn’t loving behavior. Soulful Parenting is positive, hopeful and optimistic. It believes the best, hopes for the best and never gives up.
Fourth, Soulful Parents see the long-term. They are ever aware of the relative insignificance of the moment compared to the importance of their future with their teens. Therefore, they are not technique dependent. While there are parenting techniques that are successful in addressing an immediate problem, Soulful Parents never use techniques that offer them better management of their teen but costs them trust.
Finally, Soulful Parents are influential with their teens rather than manipulative. They realize that the real impact on their adolescent is through the power of their relationship. Soulful Parents realize that their teen has to embrace their influence, owning it as their own, rather than simply conforming and placating.
